Students today face an enormous amount of pressure as they prepare for the transition to secondary school. Whether their friends all want to attend a certain secondary school or grammar school, or whether the parents are in financial need for them to pass the 11+, we are asking students to grapple with stress that we would not normally impose on nine- and ten-year-old brains. Therefore, as the adults in the situation, it is necessary for us to impart our wisdom.
Below is an example of how one parent chose to speak to their child about the 11+. Written as a letter, it captures the reassurance, honesty and encouragement that many children need during this journey.
Dear Patrick,
I am sure you are a bit surprised to be getting a letter from mum! But I wanted to talk to you about secondary school and taking the 11+, and I thought a letter might be the best way to say everything that I want to say, and for you to know how important I feel about this next step.
I know that you are feeling a lot of pressure from your friends, your teachers, and possibly even from Dad and I about secondary school. The last thing that we want to see is you struggling. But, as your parents, we also know that, unfortunately hard situations are a part of life. So…let’s take this situation and turn it into a positive learning opportunity!
As much as Dad and I would like to protect you and do things for you to make this transition easier, at the end of the day this is your test. With that in mind, let’s help you be in charge!
YOUR PLAN
How would you like to organise your schedule so that you can still have time for other important things in your life, like football, stagecoach and even fortnight? Dad would love to sit with you and help make a schedule so you spread out your SDE* homework throughout the week and you don’t feel so overwhelmed. We can even set the timer so that we can help you get your 11+ work completed in a timely fashion (...and help you stay focused and maybe even speed up your pace).
IT'S AN EXPERIENCE
Obviously, the test in Autumn will be important, but Dad and I both believe that everything you are doing in the next year is JUST as important! I can hear you saying that is silly, but you are in the process of learning so many life skills and study skills that will benefit you forever. I am sure you have heard me say that “if you want the fruit, you have to go out on a limb…” but this is so true now. Passing the 11+ is not easy… no matter how smart you are. Any student who does want to pass this test will have to put in hours of learning vocabulary, practicing multi-step Maths problems (even some concepts that you haven’t been taught yet), and mastering strategies to solve verbal and non-verbal reasoning questions (picture grandpa’s puzzles times ten!) That’s why we have done our homework and found a tutoring service that will help you learn and practice all these skills (and also because we know how much you hate doing your homework with me!) When you sit down each week to do your SDE homework, please remember that every vocabulary word, and every Math skill you are grasping and mastering is one less skill that will overwhelm you in secondary school. No matter where you go for secondary school, you will be SO prepared and confident. This is why the process is valuable.
Dad and I struggle with our work too, and we understand how annoying it is to have to re-do work and study to make progress – and we’ve learned that the hard parts often lead to the biggest breakthroughs. We get it. But, we also know that for every difficult situation that you face in the future, you will find that you rely on your resilience and perseverance (yes…two new 11+ vocabulary words!). Preparing for the 11+ is about more than just getting into grammar school – it is a journey that helps you grow stronger and more confident in yourself. When you study for the test, you learn how to face challenges, keep going even when things feel tough and find ways to solve problems step by step. Sometimes you might feel frustrated or tired, but pushing through these moments builds resilience (your ability to bounce back and try again). This is a skill that you will use not just for exams, but for the rest of your life whenever you face something difficult. Every bit of effort you put in now is helping you become more confident, more focused and more capable of handling anything that comes your way!
HOW TO DO THIS
Our brains are incredible, and our thoughts are even more powerful! Having a ‘growth’ mindset instead of a ‘fixed’ mindset can make all the difference in the world! And guess what? Dad and I are going to work on this too! So, instead of saying things like, “I hate cooking, and I am not good at it!” I am going to try saying, “Cooking isn’t easy for me, but if I keep practicing, I know I will get better at it!” And, when you are working on the ‘nets’ problems in the non-verbal reasoning sections, you can practice saying, “I made a mistake on that one, but I am learning each time I do it and I will improve.” Even Dad said he will work on using growth mindset statements when he is fixing things around the house!
I know how much you love anything online, so I have even found some fun practice games that you can do to work on some of your Maths! I am also going to download the app ‘Headspace for Kids’ so that when you do get stressed, we can practice useful techniques that are much better for us than getting angry.
Patrick, we are proud of you for all the hard work you have put in so far and for all that is to come. We are proud of you for putting yourself out there and doing something difficult and no matter what happens, we love you!
Mum & Dad
While every family’s journey will look different, many parents find that approaching the 11+ in this way, with openness, structure and reassurance, makes a significant difference. Alongside mindset, there are also practical tools that can help support your child:
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Specialised Support: Structured tutoring such as Susan Daughtrey Education or other tutors that will guide your child through the various concepts and strategies of the 11+ exam.
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Reinforcement through play: On-line games such as ‘Doodle Maths’ that can further support your child’s skills.
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Supportive language: Fall-back phrases to use when your child gets frustrated:
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“Let’s just do five more questions together, then we can take a break!”
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“We’ll just tackle one topic a day.”
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Exam familiarity: Past papers/sample tests/mini mocks in order to familiarize themselves with the pace and difficulty of the exam. The more of these that they do, the more confident they will be on the day of the test.
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Celebrations of all the little successes!! Acknowledge all improvements such as finishing a piece of homework in a set time or mastering a tricky concept. The process of this journey is full of opportunities to reward your child for perseverance and success.
Although your child is beyond the age of picture books, many authors have written very dynamic and poignant books that depict the art of a growth mindset or perseverance. Check some of the books out from the library or your local bookstore to share with your child. I have always found that everyone in my family loves a good picture book…no matter their age!
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After the Fall by Dan Santat
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You’re Fantastic Elastic Brain: Stretch It, Shape It by JoAnn Deak
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The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes by Mark Pett
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The Dot by Peter H Reynolds
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Bubblegum Brain by Julia Cook
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Making a Splash – A Growth Mindset for Kids by Carol E Reiley
Discovering the wealth of benefits of positive thinking and a growth mindset, along with giving your child ownership in the planning of homework, will be fundamental steps to making the most of the 11+ journey. When we let our children know that they are not alone in this learning experience, we provide them with the security to be brave. ‘Sitting in the trenches’ with them and modelling how we turn negative thinking into positive growth helps them develop resilience, a healthy mindset, and the confidence to tackle challenges head-on.
The content of this article is general in nature and is not a substitute for thorough research by parents. The arrangements for the 11+ exams vary widely between areas, and there are often changes from year to year. You should consult the official sources of information in your area, such as the grammar school admissions policies, local authority website and/or local 11+ exam testing consortium website. Do not rely on information on third-party websites, as it may be incorrect or out of date.